The Journey to True Forgiveness: How to Heal and Move Forward

When you hear the word ‘forgiveness,’ your mind first goes to the forgiveness of another person, right? I know mine did.

The Oxford language dictionary defines ‘forgive’ as a verb meaning to” stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.”

And ‘forgiveness’ is a noun described as “the action or process of forgiving or being.”

Therefore, that action or process stops feeling angry and resentful for a flaw or mistake. Hmm. Interesting, don’t you think?

Go ahead, take a few minutes, and really think about what the words ‘flaws’ and ‘mistakes’ initiate within you. I will wait…

You back? Good! What came to mind? How do you feel in your body? Any areas of tension or something else? Did the ideas of someone else’s flaws and mistakes flood your mind and heart? I am going to bet you had more thoughts and sensations about your own perceived flaws and mistakes than about someone else’s.

Next, take a minute to feel into your body all the areas where you are holding tension, anger, or resentment, no matter who it is directed towards. Feel the tension and how it creates restrictions in the body. Notice how the anger and resentment cloud your mind, keeping you single-focused on the issue or perceived wrongdoing.

Here is the thing, we can forgive others for their perceived or real wrongs towards us; however, they may or may not give two shits whether you forgive them or not. If they do not, then where does that forgiveness leave you? Without closure? Slipping into needing to convince them they were wrong, and they need to accept your forgiveness? Then what happens to you if your projected forgiveness does not go the way you feel or think it should go? How will you ever get the closure you believe you deserve?

Consider the following:

• Your perceived ‘flaws.’ Where did they come from? You or someone else? Are you perceiving flaws because you are comparing yourself to others?

• Now look at the perceived ‘mistakes.’ Were they really mistakes, or did the choices you made take you on a path that was not your own, or perhaps someone else projected a plan onto you? Could this really have been the choice that set you on a path you would not have taken if not forced or pushed into it? In that case, was it really a mistake?

• What if the only thing you have wrong is your understanding of forgiveness, and this is not truly wrong; it is a misunderstanding. Have you ever considered that forgiveness is not about you forgiving someone else and their response to that forgiveness?

You may notice I use the word ‘perceived’ a lot here, and I do this with complete intention. Perception is just an understanding you have with your current capacity to understand a situation, place, thing, others, or yourself. If you adopt an objective stance and expand your understanding, your perception changes – your perception and understanding of forgiveness can change.

Think about how your perception could have clouded the way you see or understand others and YOURSELF.

Read the next question very carefully and with complete objectivity. If you need a minute, take it.

WHAT IF THE PERSON YOU NEED TO FORGIVE IS YOURSELF?

Think about it. Self-forgiveness does not require the consent of another person to approve of it. Self-forgiveness is making a powerful choice to choose yourself. Self-forgiveness is a way of understanding yourself with more compassion, empathy, love, and self-trust. Self-forgiveness is the KEY to you getting the closure you desire and deserve.

What does Self-Forgiveness look like? It looks like seeing yourself through the eyes of Source (God), having compassion, and realizing that all your experiences have value. This realization helps you create a new story or belief:

“I am worthy and have value, and all my experiences only increase my self-love.”

Next, take a minute to look back at those perceived flaws and mistakes, this time through the lens of love, compassion, and empathy for yourself and the parts of you that are holding onto shame, guilt, and unworthiness. Reflect on them from a place of looking for the lessons, opportunities, and wisdom you gained.

How do your mind and body feel now? Lighter? Less inner tension? Good!

My hope for you is that from now on, you will see yourself and all your experiences through the lens of Love, Joy, Peace, Compassion, Empathy, and someone who has so much Value.